A month ago yesterday, tragedy fell on Ann Arbor, specifically on the University of Michigan Medical School and Phi Rho Sigma in particular. Paul DeWolf was found dead in his room at Phi Rho, and his death was soon confirmed to be a homicide. Paul was a close friend of mine. In fact he was a close friend to many people. He was two years below me, just starting his fourth and last year of medical school. I lived with him in Phi Rho for two years. He was also an aspiring orthopedic surgeon and a fellow recipient of the Air Force HPSP scholarship. We kept in touch after I graduated as I helped him navigate the bureaucratic ins and outs of the Air Force. For better or for worse I was already planning to visit Ann Arbor during the weekend of the week he died. He died on a Wednesday, and my colleagues and supervisors in Dayton were gracious enough to let me leave a day earlier and stay in Michigan a day longer than originally planned in order to be with friends as we mourned together at various remembrances and services. This post is intended to share thoughts that I hope will bring comfort to others and that I hope will be a proper tribute to the person that Paul was, thoughts I initially had a month ago that now have had some time to develop.
[Paul as an M1 and me as an M3 at the Phi Rho holiday party 2010.]
For those who didn't know Paul, he was extremely outgoing and supremely confident in himself. He was a straight-up bro in the best sense of the word. Our banter back and forth involved college football (usually good-natured antagonism when it came to Stanford and camaraderie when it came to Michigan), the Air Force, med school, and life in general. Anyone who met him could sense a fire in his spirit, a tangible light that came from the strength of his personality and the force of his character.
[Paul, seated to the left, rooting for Oregon, to the chagrin of Stanford fans.]
Paul was also a man of strong Christian faith. He never flaunted or imposed his beliefs on others, but in my time knowing him I was grateful to share spiritual discussions with him. It was through these discussions that I know he believed in the very real existence of Good and Evil, not necessarily in the caricatured images of angels with harps versus hoofed demons with pitchforks but still forces as real as any empirical phenomenon of nature. It is through this lens of Good and Evil that I've been trying to make sense of such a senseless act of murder.
Paul was a force for Good. Though he would be the first to acknowledge his flaws (flaws that we all have as fallible humans), Paul I think more than anyone tried to emulate the light that is God, and part of me thinks that Evil and Darkness targeted Paul precisely because he shined with God's light so brightly. Part of me thinks that Evil tried to extinguish Paul's light in an attempt to extinguish God's light.
But as is so often the case, Evil was so incredibly short-sighted. What Evil did not realize was that Paul's light would always live on in the people he touched. Despite Evil's best efforts, Paul's light is still present on this Earth because he shared so much love with so many people.
[Phi Rho Sigma: just a tiny sample of the people that Paul loved.]
It's almost comical, really, to think about how badly Evil failed. Instead of the possible financial difficulties that could have dissolved the organization of Phi Rho, Paul's death galvanized and united the current residents who quickly stabilized the immediate fallout. Instead of driving people away from God, Paul's death was an amazing opportunity for his friends (both believers and non-believers) to show God's love to his family; as his father put it, "to be Jesus" to them through stories, home-cooked meals, hugs, and a myriad of other ways.
[Painting the Rock: another way for Paul's Phi Rho Phamily to show love to his family.]
None of this is to say that Paul's death will ever be easy to comprehend or accept. There will always be a nagging sense of injustice. There will always be times when tears well up or lumps develop in throats unexpectedly. What I imagine, though, is Paul smiling that unnaturally big smile of his because he ended up getting the best of Evil. Even in death Paul retained the same competitive spirit that inspired others, because even in death Evil did not beat Paul. Evil did not win. God's Love and Paul's Love did.
P.S. A big thank you to all the donors who have contributed to Phi Rho's continued financial stability during this time. If you would like to make a donation, please visit https://secure.piryx.com/donate/3NfR1ntC/Phi-Rho-Sigma/inmemoriampauldewolf.